Confessions of a Nymphomaniac
by Inuobsessed004
Summary: I can't seem to stop this craving….this lust I have for you; I must have you.  We're probably going to need new sheets… Happy Xemsai day 1/7!  Haha I'm posting early.  Oneshot. Warning: Yaoi.


Summary: I can't seem to stop this craving….this lust I have for you; I must have you. We're probably going to need new sheets… Happy Xemsai day 1/7! Oneshot. Warning: Yaoi.

A/N:

Warnings: YAOI and spoilers for 358/2 Days.

Disclaimer: I don't own parts of these quotes.

~~Inspired by my roleplays with AnimalCops….I'm such a nympho Xemnas .!

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Confessions of a Nymphomaniac

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Day 7…just another day

_I find myself craving something other than my heart lately. It is odd, being that we lack hearts and thus, should lack emotions. The emotions supposedly start from the heart and are continued towards the brain in order to be interpreted correctly. Some members disagree with this and claim that emotions are the result of the various functions and connections in the brain but how can this be? How can I be so empty, so full of nothing yet feel emotions? If we feel…why do the humans continue to persecute us-_

"Sir."

Xemnas snapped up from his notes and found his own ambers locked with beautiful golden orbs, "Yes Number VII?"

Saix blinked, the Superior rarely keep eye contact with him for extended periods of time, usually only for minor intimidation, "I'm turning in these reports Sir." He set them in front of Xemnas, who appeared to have a strange glint in his eyes, "S-sir? ….You're acting quite strange." Xemnas just smiled at him, making sure his fingers dragged along the other's when he grabbed the mission reports, keeping eye contact all the while; barely breaking it to blink. Saix's sixth sense made him stiffen up as he blushed at the contact.

He stood up straight and watched the Superior review them before smirking, setting down his pen and gesturing towards Saix like one would to a cat, "Number VII, come over here."

Day 9

_They keep getting unbearable now, these…feelings if I dare call them that. I want to act upon them. I want to be around Number VII constantly, as if I can't get enough of him. Am I making him my substitute heart? Am I forging something I shouldn't even attempt to make within myself of small nightly get-togethers? _

Saix walked up to him, his head a bit lower than usual, and a submissive demeanor in his body movements as he stood in front of him, "Yes Superior?"

Xemnas looked up at the ceiling in a dreamy manner, "How long would you say our ….'relationship' has gone on ..Saix?"

Saix blushed at the mention of their 'private meetings' and the way his rank was left out, "Quite a while Sir."

Xemnas pulled him down into his lap so that Saix was straddling his hips and he buried his face in his hair and purred huskily against a pointed ear, "Don't call me Sir, call me Xemnas."

Saix shuddered, a small smile creeping across his lips, "I'm sorry S-…Xemnas. I must have forgotten." He nuzzled into the other's hair.

Day 51

_I find myself looking for any excuse to be near him now, even calling up random meetings so that I can have his eyes on me and only me. I want nothing to do with love yet everything to do with Number VII….why? Why am I spiraling away from my original thought pattern? What is spurring this forward? Lust? _

I'm shuddering completely now as I'm thrown roughly on the bed and he drags his soft tongue up my thigh towards my length. I can't control anything now. I'm at a total loss as I whimper out his name and moan for him not to stop. His eyes glow gold and he smirks at me, knowing I enjoy the pain as much as he enjoys delivering it. He doesn't stop as he rakes his fangs along my lower stomach, watching the blood trail towards my pubic hair as his tongue eagerly follows…

Day 94

_I'm allowing myself to be his. Just as he allows himself to be mine. We have become one being and I can't separate ourselves to what we used to be. If this is the penalty for all my failed experiments, I'll gladly accept it. I'm addicted to him….and I 'love' it. _

I'm positioned at his entrance and he's purring happily as I slam into him, causing him to grip the bed and hiss softly. He didn't want me to prepare, he wanted to feel it. He wanted to feel something, even if it was pain. I ram straight into his sweet spot and he mewls, clawing the bed and ripping up my new sheets in his own ecstasy. I smirk and nip gently at his neck that he's exposed to me, a display of pure devotion. If I wanted to I could kill him right here and he knows it. He trusts me completely and deep down, I wonder why.

Day 150

_We're becoming ritualistic. We find ways to spend time together in any situation, we are so lonely…..us nobodies. Is it a trait we share without hearts? The need to stick together like glue? To feel ..human? _

Saix stares at the Superior with such a deep longing the tanned man finds himself looking away, towards Kingdom Hearts.

"Will we ever get our hearts back Xemnas?"

Xemnas pauses, the ground being a nice place to rest his vision, "Perhaps…I can only wish my Diviner…and hope, no matter how futile it may seem."

Xemnas felt two arms wrap around him from behind, a head resting against his shoulder, "Nothing you do is futile Sir, I trust you….I love you…as much as I can without a heart, you know that Sir."

Xemnas gripped the hands slightly, a deep sigh escaping his lips and a horrible sensation churning in his stomach, "Why do you trust me?"

Day 171

_It's all going to end eventually. I think we both realize this. This is why our ties have become even stronger; we are unwilling to let the other fade away. _

He pulls the covers off as he goes to leave back to his room. I will not allow it and I yank him back down into the silken sheets next to me. I drape my arm around him and pull him close. I smell his hair and nuzzle into his neck. I cannot get enough of him, I want to consume his essence, I want us to be joined in all ways. I do not send him on missions for I dare not risk him getting hurt. He stiffens visibly, I am usually not this affectionate and clingy. I do not know why but it's as if he leaves and Kingdom Heart's warmth goes with him, "Stay Saix." I purr this order in his ear and he sighs, smiling up at me, after some effort…which makes me wonder. 

Day 174

_I'm growing distant from Number VII once again. Something seems to be troubling him about our plans…is it because I don't share enough with him? Should I open up my chest and let him see what I don't have and the reason I'm keeping things away from him?_

Saix turned to Xemnas as he looked over the mission reports, "Sir, what is the true goal behind Kingdom Hearts?"

Xemnas paused in his writing, his pen halting and shaking slightly before being set down, "What do you mean? Our hearts of course, why do you ask Saix?"

Saix looked frustrated for a brief moment before he put his mask back up, "Nothing Sir. I was just thinking."

Day 255

_He does not understand. He cannot fathom what I'm trying to accomplish for this Organization, for myself and for us._

I finish up my meeting and give him a look he's grown familiar with but it is not reciprocated the way I would have expected. He looked back at me, an attempted sexy smile playing across his lips but his eyes are tired and his posture suggests a lack of willpower or libido on his part. I find this odd…. I'm probably at most going to get a small quickie before the missions are to be written or dinner.

He follows me through a portal reluctantly, his feet practically dragging as he positions himself up against a wall. I do not go through with my actions, he has officially killed the mood and I order him to write the missions in my stead. 

Day 277

_I have figured out why Saix is growing away from me. It is Number VIII and his previous acquaintance with him. Their previous love affair is interfering with my plan. If it continues further I will turn Number VIII into a dusk._

Xemnas stopped, almost turning the corner until he heard the hushed whispers of Saix and Axel, talking about a plot. He stopped moving and stuck to the wall like glue, listening intently.

"Lea, what about our plan to overthrow him? What happened to that? What do you want? A make-believe friendship or a real one?"

Axel turned to Saix slowly, his emerald eyes glistening for a few moments before staring back at the floor, "You've changed Isa….no, you're Saix now. My Isa is gone." Axel disappeared into a corridor of darkness, leaving Saix alone. Saix's ears flicked back against his head and he let out the softest of whimpers before quietly exiting into his own corridor.

Day 298

_He had a plan to do something. I am slowly becoming more and more aware of what happened in Castle Oblivion. I am putting on a front now. _

I watch as he tugs my pants down, trailing kisses as he went. He keeps trying to make eye contact with me as if he can forget his own troubles by diving into mine. He grins in a feral manner up at me, looking more interested in sex than he has been in days, he licks my shaft, working his way up and down. But it is not the same. The burning desire and passion are gone. Now it's just a bodily release as I tip my head back, squeezing my eyes shut as he sucks me off. It used to be something wonderful I'd relish. Am I a replacement for Number VIII? The blinding orgasm hits me by surprise, I must have been lost in thought and he seems to notice. He says something to me softly and cups my face but I don't respond.

Day 322

_The pieces are coming together so slowly when I want things to happen now. Was everything just a façade made to help us imagine we were real? That what we experienced together was real? I'm so pathetic…._

I avoid Saix in the hallways. I am distant to him in meetings and I barely speak to him at meals. The others haven't picked up on the tension.

Day 356

_Saix was struck down by Roxas as he fled the Organization. I can see more than his body is damaged after the encounter. _

Xemnas sat at the hospital bed and stroked the blue hair out of his face. A melancholy sigh would escape his lips every now and then. He looked out the window towards Kingdom Hearts, wishing for the moon to somehow help him in his time of need, "Everything is falling apart."

Saix shifted under the blankets, his golden gaze fixing on the figure sitting next to his bed, "S-superior? Why are you-"

"-Why wouldn't I be here to watch over my most loyal subordinate?"

Saix eyes softened and a look of guilt entered them as he replied bitterly, "Oh."

Day 358

_So their plan fell through. Number VIII has drifted away from him and Saix has come back to my bed without any sense of dignity left in him. He seems to have become a kicked puppy in all accounts. I will allow his presence for now as I am still trying to determine what to do with him….my traitorous lover. _

I shove him on the bed and find myself pounding into him without a shred of sympathy in what can only be described as vengeance sex. He shakes below me in his submissive position, a bitch as he should be and I ram hard into his prostrate, not allowing him a second to breathe. I entwine my fingers in his hair and yank his head back violently, wanting everything to be displayed through actions. We need not speak, he knows what I know now. He cowers for a few seconds, his hand desperately trying to stroke himself in rhythm with my barbaric thrusts in order to finish himself off.

I will not allow it and I wrap one arm across his chest, pinning his arms firmly at his sides. He will suffer for what he did. He lets out a grunt and thrusts weakly against the sheets, miserable and needing friction. I bite roughly on his neck and tug his head back and crush our lips together. He is hesitant at first before we find ourselves starving for air and breaking apart. He orgasms and releases on the bed and before I cum I think of how stupid I was, how I was just like Ansem and easily deceived. I fall back on the bed and pull away from him.

He doesn't leave and sits at the edge of the bed, silent and I smell tears. Is Saix crying? No, Saix doesn't cry, he's a berserker, he's a nobody, he's a traitor…he's a monster. I roll over on to my side so my back is facing him. After what seems like an eternity I feel the bed shift and wonder to myself why he hasn't left yet. He pushes his face against my back, rubbing his forehead against the skin, like a guilty puppy. I ignore him and he whimpers lightly before removing himself. I hear the door click shut.

A Horrible Day

_I watched him slip and fade as the blade was raised and slashed across him. Is it horrible that I cannot scream? Does that make me a monster? Am I no better than the heartless gathering outside the castle right now? _

Xemnas looked up at the dark, endless sky and let out a heavy sigh. He heard the boots clicking against the floor and knew who it was. He turned with a smile and looked at his newest member of the Organization, he had found him not days ago…

"Saix, you'll make a fine addition to our ranks in the Organization."

Saix tipped his head in a slight bow of respect and smiled, just the corners of his lips curling into that vague expression as he replied promptly, "I hope to exceed all your expectations Sir."

Xemnas turned his back on him, trusting that the man behind him wouldn't stab him or kill him, ever faithful in his own logic of including the man into his Organization…

My Last Day

_If I combine with her, my Kingdom Hearts, will Saix come back? Will I see him again if I remake everything? If I change it so that we are accepted? Will I change him as well so that he loves me again? _

"Saix, why do you always stare at Kingdom Hearts? Is it due to your element?" I approached him as he stood silent, staring at her in Addled Impasse.

He looked over his shoulder and smirked, "It reminds me of you."

Epilogue Upon My Death

_I write this as the key bearer approaches the castle, I write this days in advance for I know our end to be soon. I only hope we succeed in our endeavors that we need…that we have to obtain…we must complete her. Kingdom Hearts, she is our only salvation. The only thing that can right our so many wrongs that we committed as apprentices. I wish you could have understood Saix. I wish you could have understood what my true goal was, a world for us to live together. You say power went to my head but did love fill yours? I can only assume, appearances aside, our sex was a way for you to get close to me; I realize this now and I accept it. If we had met as Xehanort and Isa would it have been different? I try to make up this fantasy that when you smiled, that it was at me and not my place as Superior. _

_ I find myself looking back at it fondly, whether it was an illusion that could have put Number VI to shame or not. I never shared moments like that when I was an apprentice, my life was bleak and the amnesia did not help. Indeed, I was using you just like you were using me. You were my newfound childhood, you were my addiction, you were the craving, you were the sweet; you were my source and stopping point._

_ Saix, Number VII, The Luna Diviner, my second-in-command, and so much more. Why do I find myself unable to order your death? Is it because you came crawling back to me when he destroyed your plot? Was it because I dreamed up that you realized a mistake and tried to right it? A laughable concept at best. It never ceases to amaze me how my years in science do not help me pick your brain apart. I did not predict it and I was naïve. I believed you were loyal and obedient like a dog. I was a fool._

**::The report seems to have been blurred in this section by some sort of liquid, tears?**

_I want it to go back to the way it was! I'm delusional I know! I should have seen the signs, the looks you passed to Number VIII, the childish smirks he gave you. Your hatred of XIII and the replica were evidence enough…_

**::The report rambles on to the corner of the page, losing all the writer's previous beautiful manuscript and displaying a rare case of emotion the subject should not have. **

**::There appears to be a few lines etched into the page with the intent that they would be engrained in the report for as long as the paper remains. **

_So shallow we go, _

_ To the graves we dance,_

_ This fancy show,_

_ Your stubborn stance,_

_ All the groans,_

_ Your beautiful hair,_

_ The sounds, the delicious moans, _

_ Did you ever truly care?_

_It seems I'm not the poet I used to be as an apprentice. I loved you Saix, I truly did, with all my nonexistent heart. I hope to see you again, if we fade into darkness than we will meet there. I will try to begin anew._

_ ~-Xemnas, Number I, The Superior of the In-Between and leader of Organization XIII, a group of nobodies dying for their wills to exist. _

**:All writing stops here and the subject seems to have 'made amends' with his miserable existence. Further research will have to be done into the life of this 'Saix' in order to truly understand the reasons for the subject's maniacal obsession with him. **

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A/N: All the days follow the Secret Reports except the last three obviously, I only chose entries by Xemnas and Saix though, but I followed the mood of the report….somewhat I suppose.

I tried to keep to the 'new Xemsai' that could 'possibly be canon' after 358/2 Days.

Please R&R! Sorry for the happy to angst contrast….


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